Misconceptions About Marriage As Told By a Newlywed

Entering marriage with my husband was an easy, and might I add, well thought out, choice. When we met, neither of us were looking for relationships. In fact, we had just been a few months shy of just ending our previous relationships before fate stepped in and knocked us off our feet unexpectedly. After dating for almost a year and a half, Philip popped the question and six months later we said ‘I do’ in front of our closest friends and family in Las Vegas.

June 28th marks our very first wedding anniversary and I can’t help but sit here in reflection of where this year has taken us and how we’ve evolved and grown into the spouses we are today. Nothing could have prepared me for marriage and being a wife, but yet here I sit waiting in anticipation for the years to follow. Here are my top three misconceptions about marriage, especially within the first year.

When it comes to advice on marriage there are so many opinions and suggestions out there, some more valuable than others, that sometimes it’s difficult for a newlywed to navigate these uncharted waters. Some believe that marriage will simply fix whatever problems may be in the relationship or that time is running out so there’s a sense of urgency to find ‘the one.’

nothing changes about your relationship after you say “I do”

One major misconception about marriage is that people believe that somehow their relationship will change because they’ve taken this ’next step.’ This isn’t true so take off those rose colored glasses. You as an individual will be the same exact person the next day and so will your spouse…the only difference is that you’ve just paid for your family and group of friends to eat an expensive meal and drink all of your booze. If you have issues in your relationship leading up to your wedding those issues will still be there afterwards. So, enter your marriage with realistic expectations and consider working through the emotional stuff beforehand.

happily ever after is attainable

Irregardless of how long you’ve been married, ‘happily ever after’ isn’t just for fairy tales. Finding happiness in your marriage should be the goal to which both partners strive to experience with one another. It takes work, however, it should never feel like work. It begins with compromise, learning to combine your passions with your spouse’s, and I will always say that communication is the key to a happy and healthy relationship. Happy should be the first word to describe your marriage and if it isn’t, take a look at what you can do to attack those happiness-killers that might be lurking around.

If you’re looking for a start on how to achieve happiness, consider checking out this podcast series from my local church called The Pursuit of Happiness. It’s been a fantastic series and I have been able to gather many take-aways from each message. It’s so easy to apply to your life and does a great job at putting things into perspective.

my husband doesn’t have to love me

He chooses to. Every. Single. Day. And I, him.

Just because you’re married doesn’t mean that you get to stand along the sidelines and become a spectator to your relationship.

I suppose this is when people tell you it’s work. Look, it’s easy to get comfortable, maybe gain a little weight here and there, have sex less often, or become more involved with your cell phone, kids, or career. It happens. However, the important thing to keep in mind is that you chose to be in your relationship, so, make it work.

This comes in different forms. Here’s a few: 

  1. Give quality attention to one another. Put away the phones and other distractions.
  2. Sex is important and intimacy is vital to a lasting marriage. It shouldn’t be a chore, but something you and your spouse both enjoy.
  3. Stay in shape. You’re a reflection of your spouse and vice versa. Keep him wanting you the way you did when you first met. Plus, self-confidence is one of the most attractive qualities men like in women!
  4. Remember to put your relationship first before your kids. If your relationship is happy your children will notice. The same can be said for unhappy marriages, too. Children see everything so set a good example for them.
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