As I was perusing the list of my favorite blogs, Ashley Lamar’s post entitled, “Does Your Marriage Have a Deal-Breaker?”, stuck out to me and I found myself beginning to question and think about the points she makes as it relates to my own marriage. Do I, in fact, have a deal-breaker? Do I have more than one? Is there one thing that would mean the end of my marriage? Today I’m digging deep into the depths of my relationship and sharing my thoughts on this topic of marriage deal breakers.
Now, this concept of a deal-breaker is simple. Ask yourself:
what, if any, is the one act that would mean the dissolution of your marriage?
It is understood that when one enters a marriage it should be grounded in love, respect, honesty, trust, and so on. If that holds true, and people enter marriage with the best of intentions, then why does the divorce rate continue to be so high? Do people really jump ship that easily?
10 RELATIONSHIP DEAL BREAKERS
When my husband and I met we happened to have just ended our respective relationships and weren’t eager to jump into another one so quickly. In fact, a relationship was hardly on either of our minds that evening we walked into each others lives. However, it’s funny to see how connections happen and how love develops when you meet that right person at that distinct right time – regardless of what our timing might be. We dated six months before moving in together, then after a year and a half of dating got engaged, then wed six months after that. Now, I know that appears to be swift…and it is, we both would agree.
However, the difference is during that time we were dating we both took an approach we never had previously in relationships. We were honest, wholeheartedly, with each other and were up front about what we wanted or expected from one another. I will call these the non-negotiables. These are values or lifestyles that are equally important to the both of us respectively and are things we will not tolerate within our relationship.
Now, your list doesn’t need to be lengthy, but the reality is that we all have at least a few. Here’s a look at a few of our non-negotiables:
I want children. Maybe two.
I want to be married when we have children.
I want to raise our family in the Christian faith.
My husband must be a non-smoker.
I want to be completely open and included in our family finances.
Must have clean habits and enjoys a clean home.
Must like children and dogs.
Must take care of yourself (aka don’t let yourself go).
Share the same interests.
Accept me as I am and to not try and change me.
Let me be the man in the relationship.
Must enjoy libations.
Must have good personal/oral hygiene.
Having an open dialogue about these non-negotiables has been the strongest bond my husband and I both share. We respect the values and opinions we have and love each other despite what’s on our ‘lists.’
Now back to this topic of deal-breakers…
I honestly can’t think of one stand alone action that my husband could commit, outside of cheating or domestic violence, that would make me walk away from our marriage. I have been open with him that divorce is the absolute last option and only will be considered when all other options have been explored. For example, I asked how he felt about counseling and he’s supportive of the idea should it come to that (some cultures look down upon marriage counseling). But nonetheless, if placed in a position where I felt our vows have been violated I would personally look at the root cause of the problem.
No one cheats when things are happy at home. Typically one act is caused by issues that have had time to fester and go without being discussed. Is communication off? Are we intimate with each other? Are we continuing to show respect towards one another? Are we giving enough time to the things that matter? These would be the first things that would come to mind if I felt as though there was an imbalance in our marriage. But at the end of the day it comes down to communication and the ability to for my husband and I to share our inner thoughts and feelings without the fear of judgement or criticism.
Be sure to check out Ashley’s original post here and let’s discuss your thoughts.
What are your non-negotiables or deal breakers in your relationship/marriage?